Friday, May 05, 2006

University of Texas Used Cars

University of Texas Used Cars

In 2005 University of Texas Used Cars (UTUC) had a record setting year. However, critics site that much of the success was due to the performance of one car, a prototype vehicle built by Volkswagon and Yugo, that we will call VY. UTUC had high expectations for VY and they paid off. He was all that they had hoped for. But VY was auctioned off at the latest used car auction as the third car selected and UTUC must find a replacement.

UTUC is known nationally for bringing in an excellent stock of used cars every year but their performance has consistently been below expectations. Leading to question weather or not Mack Brown was able to get the most out of the cars he brought in.

In 2006 Mack Brown insists that the low mileage models he has brought in will be able to replace VY. Brown says “My Mentor, Darrel always says… You gotta dance with who brung ya, well, the guy that brung me left the dance early but don’t worry, I got a couple of real beauties I am going to dance with. Both got low miles and all the bells and whistles, so we plan to use ‘em both.”

Some industry experts question Browns two car approach and site disasters in years past. As recent as 2003 Brown was trying to sell newly acquired VY and a less impressive Chevy Metro we will call Chance. You see Chance had been on the lot for a few years, so Mack thought he should get a shot. Of course, the biggest 2 car debacle Mack has been involved in was when he had just brought in a Cadillac Seville from an old lady in Simmsville and a trusted, reliable old pickup that came from a major applefarm just outside Austin. The old pick-up was called Major and was a favorite on the lot, but Mack picked up that shiny caddy from a guy named Phil in Simmsville and Mack had promised Phil, that his caddy would be to featured car on the UTUC lot. Mack stuck to his guns throughout the year, even when the Cadillac was under performing and Major was over-performing, Mack kept trying to sell the benefits of driving his Cadillac.

UTUC will have a lot of competition from the other 11 regional competitors. Including their annual battle against Bob Stoops of Oklahoma Performance Racing. OPR started slow last year and Mack was able to finish ahead of Stoops for the first time in many years. However, OPR was firing on all cylinders at the end of the year and looks like they could reverse the one year trend. Stoops who is known for bringing in good cars and turning them into great cars says UTUC is all about looks not performance, “UTUC brings in some decent cars and they shine them up, maybe add some spinners, but at OPR we rebuild the engines, the suspension and totally pimp ‘em out. When our cars roll off the lot, the buyers know they are getting an excellent product”

“We got the finest cars money can buy” says Mack. “We keep ‘em in the best garages and we got the biggest lot around. Some of out competitors invest a lot of time into their cars after they arrive, we just throw ‘em out there and hope for the best.”

UTUC will also be going head to head against the new kid on the block, Ron Prince from PowerCars. Prince is taking over the Manhattan based PowerCars from the retiring Bill Snyder. Snyder left a lot full of cars from the previous year and Prince has brought in a few of his own.

Another challenge will be from the CarHuskers. The revamped CarHuskers were a very successful John Deere dealership that had fallen on hard times. So they brought in Wild Bill Callahan to move from the old school mentality to a high performance system. Wild Bill brought in his “West Coast” philosophy last year and has turned the Carhuskers around and has them heading in the right direction.

The bottom line is that Mack Brown is the best used car salesman in the region. However, his competitors do more to make their cars perform at a higher level. And in the end, no matter how good the salesman is or how much you spend on Marketing and PR, the better product will come out on top. Until Mack finds another VY, they will have to settle for second place.


Wally said...

Thats some funny chit, lol

Mike Leach said...


Anonymous said...

weak... weak..much like KSU...2nd loser

Anonymous said...

This is perhaps the worst attempt at humor and writing I have ever seen. Pretty much fits what I think comes out of ksu as university.

Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...

i thought it was very funny.
UT National Champions no mater what you say about mack

Anonymous said...

KSU Sucks.....and the best part you live in Manhattan, Kansas....IDIOT

Bierman said...

"Weather or not"

If you are going to write satire then at least spell on a high school level. DUMBASS